If you only knew the amount of times that I started and stopped this blog. A 100th post is kind of a big deal for me since I have a huge time sticking to anything, like, ever.
However, as I lay in bed the other morning unable to go to sleep, I realized what I wanted to write about…
… my personal struggles.
So here it goes.
In May of this year I moved back to South Carolina, without a job and focused on starting my life over again. I had to leave my husband behind because we both couldn’t afford being unemployed at the same time. Being separated from my husband was the worst thing in the world but I knew that I had to do it in order to make things better for the both of us. We’ve been plagued with one bad luck item after the next and as I found myself unemployed, again, and broke, again, I had no choice.
Each night I would lay in bed, almost in tears as the feeling of loneliness would strike and wondering if I’d made the right choice. A huge part of me wanted to go back to North Carolina and try again but I knew it would be harder if I did that. I nearly gave up until my luck changed and I got a job. It’s not the best job in the world but it pays the bills and keeps food on the table. My husband was able to come back to South Carolina and all was right with the world.
There is one problem though.
I still don’t have a home.
My husband and I have been living in a run-down motel since June and the little room does us well. Don’t get me wrong, it is far from the four seasons but I’ve learned to adapt to a microwave and Crockpot for cooking. We both have jobs and things are looking up. It has been the hardest struggle of our lives filled with tears, fights and near misses with threats of separating again. But we’ve stood by one another and tried so hard to make it work.
But still I lie in bed at night and wonder what I could do to make things even better. I’ve heard the saying “Be thankful for what you have because someone is happy with less than what you have” and I carry that with me every day. I feel bad when I complain about not being able to do this or that but yet I know that I’m learning a huge lesson here. I’m learning to be appreciative of what I do have.
I think I needed this in order to make me realize what it takes to be a good human being. It has helped restore my compassion for others and not act so spoiled. Another thing that it’s taught me is that good things come to those who not only wait but treat others the way you want to be treated.
I helped a gentleman a while back with some issues he had in our store and he returned the favor by telling my husband and I about a house up the road from work. It’s a cute house, affordable and near work so I can either walk or ride a bike (I don’t own a car). We move in next week and I’m nervous as I can be but in a good way.
Then my husband found the job of his dreams by helping the manager at the place he now works. She was being stalked by a former flame and Mikey would always keep an eye out for the guy and if he saw anything suspicious, he would tell her right away. Not too long after that, she offered him a job.
So as I counted the ceiling bumps the other morning trying desperately to go back to sleep, it hit me. We did things to help others and they returned the favor. Now this doesn’t mean you should selfishly do things for others expecting a payback but it hit me that people have done favors for me and helped me along the way. My boss did me a huge favor by helping me with a job. She didn’t have to but she did. For that I’m forever grateful.
As I discussed this with Mikey and he said something that made me think. He said that we should always be nice to people because everyone has their own struggles in life. We may be “homeless,” but we have a roof over our heads. Not everyone is so lucky. Not everyone has food. Not everyone has someone to love. For those reason alone, we are blessed. I have a family that cares for me, a husband that loves me and a job, roof… and it can only get better from here.
There are only a handful of people who know my true situation in my life and they have been the most awesome people in the world. The encouraging words when I think it gets too hard have been the best gift of all.
As I close the 100th post on my blog, please take a moment to keep everyone in the Northeast in your prayers. They have a long struggle ahead to cleanup and create their own homes again.
It took nearly 32 years in my own life to realize that home is where you have those that love you. Motel room, house, mobile home, tent or even a homeless shelter… if you are surrounded by those you love, it makes your struggles seem less.